Your Girlfriend/Boyfriend Is Hurting Your Divorce Case
I know that you are in love again and so happy. BUT, your new relationship is hurting your case. News flash: you are getting a divorce…from your spouse. And in a divorce, you’re going to have to work out some sort of resolution with your soon-to-be ex. Almost all divorce cases, even the most contentious ones, are settled outside of court. The cases are settled because the lawyers know, and the parties learn during litigation, that judges are sometimes crazy people. Judges don’t actually care about your life and whether you get the best furniture from your house.
The settlement process will be painstakingly long and arduous. It will be stressful. Resolving and completing your divorce means you and your lawyer will be negotiating major details of your life.
“Negotiating” means: figuring out how to get what you want from someone who doesn’t want to give it to you.
If the goal of negotiation is to get what you want from your wife when she doesn’t want to give it to you, avoid making her angrier. An angry woman does not compromise with the man who is making her angry. Angry men like to take unreasonable positions and increase your costs of litigating your divorce case. Angry people like to withhold compromise.
Your boyfriend makes your husband angry. Even if your marriage was over months before your new relationship began, this new person makes your husband angry. This relationship makes him feel betrayed, bewildered, threatened … whatever. This is true, even if (you think) the divorce is his fault (for being crazy, distant, emotionally unavailable, irresponsible, etc.)
You don’t want to give up this amazing new relationship, this new experience of true love. To minimize your spouse’s anger (so you and your lawyer can successfully negotiate the best resolution of your divorce), follow these simple rules:
Don’t introduce your girlfriend to your kids until your divorce is settled.
Don’t bring your boyfriend to your divorce mediation.
Your girlfriend does not text, call, or email your soon-to-be ex-wife.
Tell your boyfriend that his “man to man” chat with your husband will wait.
Do not explain to your soon-to-be ex-wife why your new girlfriend is so much better than she is.
Remember, you want your spouse to give you what you want, and if she/he won’t, you’re going to have to ask a judge to give you what you want. Look out for your own best interests, and keep your girlfriend/boyfriend away from your divorce.